No Room for Bullies
by Jose Bolton, Sr., Ph.D., L.P.C.
Summary
This book shatters popular myths about bullying. You’ll learn who’s playing the intimidation game, and how they play it…from social exclusion and emotional backstabbing to physical violence, sexual harassment, and cyberspace cruelty. But “No Room for Bullies” takes readers beyond problem recognition to proven solutions for parents, teachers, school administrators, and children.
Excerpt
What does bullying mean to you?
How you define bullying probably depends on your experiences. Maybe you were the kid who always had your books knocked out of your hands. To you, bullying involves acts of physical aggression. Maybe you were on the receiving end of snickers and whispers every time you spoke up in class. If so you may be more sensitive to verbal harassment.
Bullying, as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary, means “to treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner.” Barbara Coloroso, author of “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander,” describes bullying as always involving three elements: an imbalance of power, an intent to harm, and threats of further aggression. Our definition of bullying is repeated acts of aggression or harm (kicking, pushing, excluding, spreading rumors, etc.) by individuals who have more power than their victims. By power, we mean advantages in strength, confidence, status, or aggressiveness. However you choose to describe this ubiquitous phenomenon, one thing is certain: Bullying takes many forms, and its consequences damage individuals and learning communities.
As hard as it may be to admit, most of us have behaved like bullies at one time or another, both as children and as adults. This behavior may have involved gossiping, teasing, intimidating, or socially isolating someone. Perhaps we ostracized or excluded a classmate because he or she had unusual hair, wore unfashionable clothes, talked funny, or had some other perceived flaw. Many of us would learn, of course, that acting like a bully was no defense against becoming a victim.
You, no doubt, have a least one memory from your school days when you were the target of a bully’s abusive attention. If you can’t recall being a victim, surely you remember playing the role of bystander It was probably just easier to stand and laugh or sit quietly and watch as some other poor soul was picked on, all the while feeling relieved that you were not the one being humiliated.
The bullies that we remember from our youth are a lot like those of today, with one big exception. Today’s bullies have new weapons of intimidation at their fingertips. The information superhighway has created avenues for abuse that were not possible when we were growing up. Bullies are not lashing out at their victims using instant messaging on the internet and text messaging on cell phones. One simple click of a button sends a lie, rumor, or threat to endless numbers of people. We call it “bullying on steroids.” It is yet another troubling example of the challenges parents and educators face in the fight to stop bullying….
Bullying can be stopped only if all the stakeholders-from the classroom teacher to the cafeteria cook to the vice principal to the bus driver to the concerned neighbor to the child to the parent--become more vigilant, more skilled, and more proactive.
Reviews
A 2006 Honors NAPPA winner. "The tone is optimistic and empowering."
Author's Biography
The contributing authors include child psychologists, parent trainers, and teachers. Drawing on their years of experience, they tackle bullying from all the angles: the bully, the victim, the bystander, the teacher, the parent, and the environment.